The past few days have been a whirl-wind of rushing from one fun event to the next. Since this weekend was a blast, but left me feeling very low on the energy scale, my best friend Annie has graciously written a guest post for me. Enjoy!
“Wow, you look fancy today,” said one of my favorite fourth period students.
“Yeah,” chimed in another. “Are you going out tonight?”
“No,” I said. “Stop asking awkward questions. Can’t I look alright sometimes?”
“You can,” Student #1 mused. “But you don’t always.”
This is what my morning fashion process looks like now:
1. Get up at the ass crack of dawn, rub off last night’s makeup that I forgot to take off because I fell asleep grading essays.
2. Shower while trying to figure out what the hell I’m going to teach to my first period class. Sometimes forget to use my expensive salon conditioner because I’m going over the difference between predicates and prepositions.
3. Mentally create worksheets as I rifle through a goddamn avalanche of clothing (which is not kept in the closet, but helpfully spread out on the floor should I suddenly collapse from the onset of anemia).
4. Try to remember if I have essays hidden somewhere in my house as I put on the least smelly clothes I have been able to forage. Laundry is a thing that happens once a fiscal quarter.
5. Haphazardly put on makeup as I drive to work, occasionally forgetting that I have only completed work on one eye and being mocked by my students until some angel in fourth period dutifully informs me of my deficiency.
How could this happen to me, to ME? Five years ago, I was living it up at the BCBG New York Fashion Week after party, trying to pretend I was old enough to be drinking. Now, it’s a good week if I don’t wear the same pants three times. But just as things looked their darkest, something new entered my life, something capable of breaking the downward spiral and restoring me to my former glory.
I’m talking about makeup.
I have discovered that one of the secrets of the universe is that even if you have unwashed, flipping-the wrong-way hair, crumpled clothes, and an unfortunate musty odor about your person, this can all by transformed with a coat of red lipstick and dramatic eyeliner. And purple mascara. All of which I now own, courtesy of Chanel.
But wait, I can hear you thinking, Chanel is so pretentious. I can’t afford that! And my response to you is a) yes it is, and b) you can’t afford not to be buying this.
I went to the Chanel counter for makeup trials with a friend, and when I asked her if I should buy the bronzer, she said “I think you can probably get that cheaper somewhere else.” My makeup artist injected here to give my friend the hairy eyeball from up high and said, “Honey, of course you can get it cheaper elsewhere. This is Chanel.” And I scoffed then, thinking this was arrogance at its finest and that she needed to take her product a little less seriously. But when I got home and tried it, I realized why this woman went all Grand Duchess on my friend – Chanel is, quite simply, the best. It stays where you put it until you take it off. It goes on smoothly, silently, and deadly. It does what is promised. And it looks like it’s going to last just as long as they said it would, which is roughly 230,947,202 years.
Here’s what I bought/recommend:
-lipliner (I use it as an ombre lip effect and also bottom eyeliner
My makeup artist also taught me a little trick that has really changed the way I do my makeup. Instead of using eyeliner on your bottom lid edge, you can use a dark brown or dark purple eye shadow and a small brush to gently dot it on. This softens your eye and prevents raccoon eyes or dark circles. I would have bought an eyeshadow palette, but I already have about 20 Lancome eyeshadows at home, many of which are perfect for this use.
Anyway, I hope that this makeup review will help you continue to not do laundry and be lazy about your style choices, just like it has done for me!
Happy Monday! I only have a two-day week, but I am still counting down the hours til my break begins. Are you doing that as well?